12 parent plants from which it is time to get rid

Parents are not perfect. Own childhood traumas and uncertainty forced them to send you the wrong message. In transactional analysis, one of the directions of psychotherapy, released 12 such plants.

They can be obtained by simulation, encourage certain behaviors or direct expression. Sometimes parents do not even moreover - the child itself generates an order, misinterpreted the situation.

I believe this theory useful. Only 12 lien, which you can quickly read and understand, whether they belong to you. You can also check to see whether to send such a message yourself to your children.

12 toxic parenting orders

1. Do not be a (non-existent)

One of the most dangerous posts. Perhaps your parents We did not want to have a child (you). Perhaps they feel that your needs are too great.

On Facebook there is a group, "I regret that I started the children» (I regret having children), the number of participants keeps growing. These parents should be very careful when dealing with children.

Comments like, "If not for you, I would have had a career" or "I would have divorced your father" a negative attitude "Do not be." Many people are prone to suicide and depression, followed it to her.

2. Do not be a

Parents may want you to be more like them and less - on himself. Perhaps they had different expectations about your appearance and your personality. Maybe they are just dreaming about the child of the other sex.

3. Do not be a child

This message usually gets the first child. Probably, you were asked to take care of brothers and sisters and take responsibility for them, not to make the mistakes of others and do not be silly. If you follow this setup, you probably feel the whole weight of the world on his shoulders.

4. not grow

This provision, on the contrary, given the youngest child in the family. It is created in the event that the relationship between parents not so strong: Then they try to make sense of the constant concern about "Chad". You remain immature, unstable, or simply do not want to leave the parental nest.

5. Do not think

When you like all kids, we asked parents questions, they were annoyed. And yet they are not encouraged when you expressed an opinion different from theirs.

6. do not feel

When you're upset or crying, parents were not alone. They were angry, were discharged or were trying to distract you. They said, "adults boys do not cry" or "Good girls do not get angry."

You get angry without tears? You are angry, when really sad? Probably you have learned to substitute some other emotion, to be accepted by his family.

7. do not do

"Do not run," "Do not reach high", "does not get dirty." Your parents probably do everything for you. And they too afraid to for your safety. What is the result? You always start but do not finish. And constantly fighting for the right to decide, considering the world a cruel and ruthless.

8. Do not be healthy / normal

Parents remember you only when you are sick. They awarded you for your strange behavior. And you learned to attract the attention of others by staying unhealthy and unbalanced.

9. Do not be meaningful

You grew up soaking statements like "Children should be invisible and inaudible" and "Do not talk at the table."

10. does not reach

Parents are angry, when you played up them? They set unattainable standards, so you can not succeed? If so, they may have unconsciously jealous and did not want you to beat them.

11. Do not be close

Your parents were uncomfortable during intimate moments, they did not show affection. So they teach you not to trust others and share with them my life.

12. does not belong

Parents condemn your friends and any group of which you are becoming. Also, perhaps, as a child you have traveled.

Now what?

To get started, answer honestly, you know whether any of these regulations, but, more importantly, if you follow them, whether rebels against them? As a child, you have tried all means to cope with the situation, took several decisions in order to survive. Now, these strategies may not work.

The next step - use this list to identify the beliefs that limit your life at the moment. Then, try to replace those installed on more constructive. This can be done with the help of a therapist.

When you will understand with your inner child, pay attention for their children (if any). Think about whether you do not send them subconsciously these messages? If you learn to recognize and stop them, you will become a better parent.