Gender-toxic people: who they are and how to communicate with them
Relations / / December 19, 2019
Eugene Makhlin
Psychotherapist, family psychologist, senior consultant of the project "PsiSovet24.ru».
Surely you have so happened: you get acquainted with some new person on the job or in a company, he or she is at ease talking with you, tells some anecdote, but for some reason inside is somehow unpleasant after entertaining stories like as if you something soiled. It was so? If your partner - the opposite sex, you can be sure you are faced with gender-toxic person, communication with which is fraught with certain consequences.
Let's see who they are, how to identify these people among his colleagues and friends, and how best to conduct myself with them.
Who are the gender-toxic people
These are people who have a lot of negative opinions against the opposite sex. Simply put, women experiencing conscious or unconscious hatred and aggression to men, and men are experiencing similar feelings towards women.
How to identify such people in their environment
It is not always easy. Of course, these people do not start at the sight of the opposite sex object, showering him with insults, spitting. Most often, their negative feelings are expressed in a much thinner - for example, in a passive-aggressive style. It might look something like this.
men
Communicating with a woman, a man will not talk about that "all women - lying bitch" or something in the same spirit. But he can tell an anecdote or a story of life in which women appear in a very unfavorable light.
So, if you told anecdote about blondes, Your partner is trying to show how women are sometimes stupid (and if you're a woman, you are, it turns out the same). And if this is the story of life, he can tell, for example, as a kind of project he was assigned to the work of his female colleagues, and it is not something that is not right, and it is not at all a little ruined. And only the intervention of the man (himself or someone from male colleagues) helped bring the situation from the crisis... In this case, it translates the message to you, "the woman incompetent", which means that you personally - too.
Women
Women who experience hate and aggression towards men, behave in a similar way. They left no jokes about blondes stupid men, so they use a strategy that psychologists called "psychological castration." To do this, they tell stories, ask certain questions or behave in such a way as to show a man with they talk, his inability to solve problems, mediocre, worthlessness, lack of initiative, that is, devalue it.
- Oh, wow! And I think that some girls are studying there.
(The meaning of the message: "You are not a man.")
- I manage the IT-department in the company N.
- Oh, I heard about your office and about its remuneration policy. In our company, even ordinary employees earn more than the leading experts from you. How are you working at all ...
(The meaning of the message: "You have no respect to your work, and you do not respect myself.")
In other words, any information communicated to you can be modified and presented in a form that can be sure: to get the picture you will look very so-so, no matter how great your career and personal achievements.
What happens during a conversation between people
Thus, gender-toxic people in a socially acceptable form exposes all members of the opposite sex in a funny, silly, bad form. As he tries to humiliate all the opposite sex, then his companion begins to feel humiliated. Hence, it is an unpleasant feeling of dust on mentioned above.
If the person on whom it was carried out a psychological attack, it is in contact with each other and their feelings and does not have the tendency to masochismMost likely he intuitively understands that his communication with the person some "not so" and will try to stop him.
Other people who have the skill to listen to yourself and your needs for some reason a little less developed, can a long time to deal with gender-toxic man and not even guess at the conscious level, something not So.
However, the continuation of such dialogue lowers self-esteem, because time after time you have to withstand an attack on their femininity or masculinity.
These attacks, carried out for a long time, do not go to our psyche unnoticed and can cause problems in the relationship with the opposite sex - even impossible to create stable relationship, start a family.
Why are these people so
The most common cause of Conduct gender-toxic person is psychological trauma inflicted on himself - as a child, and, perhaps, in the recent past.
So, the boy who grew up with the "suffocating" the mother of his control, could then be considered for all women aggressive and invading. As a protection against such behavior it can develop a strategy, when he himself will attack first, to protect against excessive control.
In women, there is a mirror situation. For example, a girl who grew up in a family of which the father left, leaving the mother may unknowingly get on his mother protected from all of these "vile" and "evil" men. But in adulthood, this negative charge remains and continues to flow to the opposite sex is already in automatic mode.
Why can not they stop
What is common in these stories above? And in fact, and in another case, the poisonous strikes gender-toxic people are beaten not by those to whom they were actually intended (parental figure of the opposite sex, former partner), And in "random targets" - people who just happened to be within reach. This means that such attacks do not bring these people to no satisfaction. Therefore, how to avenge the opposite sex they do not succeed.
It's like a thirst that can not be quenched, because water, as in that joke about drinking elk, does not go in store. It is not in the water business.
"What? - think elk. - It seems to be drinking, and I was getting worse and worse! "
And gender-toxic people: at heart they hope that their aggressive behavior will help them feel better, but instead only worsen their already difficult relationship with people.
What threatens the dialogue with gender-toxic people
Surprisingly, many gender-toxic people consciously can not even guess what they attack. They can not imagine the feelings experienced by the people of the opposite sex really is.
These bumps are often applied unconsciously, not realizing in this report. And the unconscious actions there is one feature: they can be highly thin. When you went to a party, talked to the people, they returned home, went to bed, and only a couple of days you will finally understand why you were so uncomfortable that evening.
It would seem that such: talked to someone, and this conversation is not specified. Not always the same conversations are comfortable. This is probably true, but it is worth remembering one thing: taking part in such dialogue, you willingly subjected to psychological violence.
In fact, during this interaction you are bombarded with messages every second, "you - a nonentity" and "such as you have to kill a child" (on the basis of sex, of course).
If you were in plain text said something like that, such a conversation would have quickly stopped. And in a conversation with a hidden message alarming beacon somewhere inside us it works very quietly. But it makes no difference whether this speaks directly or covertly for our psyche. Our unconscious - smart, it still decipher these toxic messages and give you to understand this discomfort. Then why tolerate such interaction?
How to deal with gender-toxic people
The main advice that you can give here - listen carefully to him when dealing with other people, especially during the acquaintance with them. If in the course of communication you feel the change in their emotional state - it is an alarming sign: your interaction there is something wrong.
Take care of yourself: if you do not like the change, get out of such contact.
The person with whom you are talking, hate the opposite sex, and this interaction is psychologically harmful especially for you. Help him you can hardly, but the catch considerable discomfort - easily. If at all possible, stop to chat with this person, or pinch chat to a minimum.
What to do if you notice a gender toxicity at
If you recognize yourself in the descriptions above, or found themselves in just a few signs of gender-toxic people bump into a panic is not necessary: from time to time, we all can be like that. In such cases, it is worth thinking about how to get some advice psychologist: It will help to better understand who in fact addressed to your aggressive charge and what you can do to direct this energy in a more constructive direction.
see also👫
- How to deal with asshole
- How to communicate with the people with whom it is impossible to communicate
- Sex and gender: how not to get lost in concepts