How to survive the separation and move on

The pain of separation can last for several months. People visit the obsessive thoughts about the former partner, he longs for reunification and suffering. In such a state can be disturbed sleep and eating behavior, sometimes there is pain in the chest - the so-called syndromeBroken heart syndrome a broken heart.

We will understand what is going on in the human mind, which recently abandoned, and why these experiences are so painful.

Why would a person go, but the attachment remains

The attachment is formed with the participation of the hormone oxytocin in humans. And this same hormone causes suffering, when the object of love goes.

Oxytocin increases stronglyOxytocin and vulnerable romantic relationships. during the crisis in the relationship. When one of partners feelings grow cold, the second, on the contrary, there is a hormonal explosion. This mechanism continues to operate when the relationship is terminated at the initiative of one of the partners. Abandoned by the man continues to experience affection due to elevated levels of oxytocin, she wants to be there to love and care. Failure to do so causes depression and even a real break with the lost love.

How does breaking

When you look at a photo of the former partner in the brain is activatedReward, addiction, and emotion regulation systems associated with rejection in love. ventral tegmental area (ventral tegmental area, VTA) - a key element of the remuneration system. VTA communicates with other brain structures using dopamine - a substance that causes us to seek pleasure.

VTA does not relate to cognitive processes and common sense. She wants, craves, burned with desire. Therefore, all attempts to forget your partner go to waste.

Also lovers sufferers activate the nucleus accumbens - the main pleasure center responsible for attachment and dependency. And the VTA, nucleus accumbens and just respond to the arrival of cocaine, but the drug releases, and love - no. When you experience gap, Activity in these areas is not reduced, and since you can not get what you want, suffer from withdrawal akin to cocaine abstinence.

Collaboration prefrontal cortex and nucleus accumbens and starts the process of acquiring loss estimates: you constantly thinking, what went wrong in your relationship, who is to blame, is it possible to return everything and how to do it. These thoughts can not be eliminated, they return again and again. At the same time you are experiencing emotional pain, which can be compared with the physical. And this, too, there is an explanation.

Why are you so hurt

scientists have noticedSocial rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical painWhen a man looks at a photo of the former partner in his brain are activated island and somatosensory cortex - the structure responsible for the transmission of information about the physical pain. In their activation can predict the presence of pain by 88%.

A man with a broken heart does not feel physical pain, but emotional experiences, or if you prefer, mental.

As well as physical, mental pain can not be ignored, to muffle its analgesic or solve the same there is no way.

Really all so hopelessly broken heart heals only time? It is, but at least you can do something to alleviate this condition.

How to be treated by an unhappy love

Remove all reminders

If you ever quit smoking, Then you know that at the time of withdrawal can not be kept at home, and cigarette lighters. It is necessary to remove a prominent place ashtrays and everything that reminds you of the addiction. Do the same with his love.

Remove all photos from screen savers, hide them in the farthest location. Lock in cabinet gifts and things that remind you of a person dear. Do not listen to music that meant something for your couple, and do not go to your place.

Eliminate from your life anything that might cause a storm of memories and spur heartache.

Greet the new

Now is the time to start something new: a musical instrument, or tinkering to cook, to understand complex topics to teach modern languages. Load your brain in full - even if he did not have time to reflection and memories.

New unusual job requires resources generously brain and triggers the formation of new neural connections. This will help you get rid of obsessive thoughts about the former partner.

Work out

Physical activity not only distract you, but also will provideOpioid Release after High-Intensity Interval Training in Healthy Human Subjects your long-suffering opioid receptors.

Train with medium or high intensity. The first will help you to have fun and get used to physical activity, the second - so tired that in mind there will be no thought, "to survive at any cost" but.

Communicate, even by force

After a painful break you'll want to isolate themselves from society in order to survive the experience alone. The main thing - do not get stuck in this state.

Social contacts are very important for human beings. loneliness causesLoneliness matters: a theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. sense of vulnerability, disrupts sleep, increases morbidity and mortality.

The depressed state of the warm companionship just need you. If necessary, forcibly pull on your walks and gatherings with loved ones.

revise all

When the first storm of emotions settle down, work with your thoughts and Memories. Think about what you have been taught this relationship, what good do you get from them. Try to imagine a tragedy as a useful experience. Say thank you for vivid experience and recognize that it is time to move on.

You can still recollect the lost love in a year or even 10 years, they say, that the former drug addicts do not happen. But suffering pobloknut a few months, and a new relationship displace painful experience.

see also

• 12 errors after the break that will turn your life into a nightmare →
• 21 is a sign that your relationship to the dogs roll →
• Enough to endure it: 6 signs that it is time to end the relationship →