What is domestic violence?
It is cruel and rough relationship between relatives - husband and wife, parent and child, partners in a civil union, domestic partners in homosexual couples. This is no ordinary family quarrel because of unwashed dishes and unreasonable scandals and outbreaks of aggression, which are repeated on the same scenario at least twice and become more likely over time.
Domestic violence - it is not just physical abuse, but also sexual coercion, constant insults and psychological pressure. It is based on not any problem, which wants to resolve the partner, and the desire to suppress and control the family.
For home rapist aggression - a way to showNo law, no justice: Violence against women in Russia its power, so it is impossible to please, no matter how hard you try.
Domestic violence exposedDomestic violence against women both men and childrenAnd elderly parents. But most of the women face with him: in Russia - one in fiveThe situation in Russia. Despite the beatings and humiliations, victims of domestic violence often do not seek help - because of love, fear of retaliation, the foundations of society or the desire to keep the family together at all costs. Sometimes this leads to tragedies: 38% of women who have died a violent death - victim
WHO: Violence against women their husbands and lovers. Those who try to defend themselves, are convicted of grievous bodily harm or murder the aggressor husband.How to distinguish domestic violence from the usual quarrels?
Sometimes it is not easy to do: aggression developsDomestic violence against women cycles, so from time to time relations are improving. Long period of tension is replaced by an act of severe violence: seizures wrath, Destructive emotions or physical abuse. Then comes the "honeymoon": a man repents, it becomes tender and loving. Then everything is repeated.
Over time, fits of anger are often, but peaceful periods - shorter. Women subjected to violence, hide it from themselves and try to adapt to the situation, "endure - slyubitsya", "Beats - means love." They hope that relations will improve, and try to please your partner in everything, but the miracle did not happen.
What to do in such a situation?
1. Tell us about the problem close
Please report domestic violence to those who trust: parents, friends, someone from colleagues. If you keep quiet about it, you will not have witnesses who can confirm what is happening. Do not be afraid to say, you will get support and assistance.
Darya Tretyakova
Master of Private Law, SC "Yurproekt" advocate, author Telegram-channel "The lawyer bombs."
Domestic tyrants usually try to isolate the victim, break her social connections and support from outside strip. In this context, the worst strategy - not to wash dirty linen in public. If you are afraid for their lives and health, you will have to overcome fear and shame, and do the following:
- Shout when you attacked with fists. Neighbors can then confirm that they heard your cries and sounds of a struggle.
- Talk about what is happening to relatives and friends. They can offer significant help immediately or even later, at the time of trials, confirm that the problems have started long ago.
2. Ask for help
If you do not want to talk about the problem of your loved ones, call the free hotline: 8-800-7000-600. Experts tell us how to act in your situation and help you deal with it.
You can also contact centers, and funds to help women victims of domestic violence. Nearest the organization can be found at map.
3. Make a plan for your own salvation
If you are afraid of a partner, and fear for their lives and health, consider a plan of retreat. He will be saved in the event of the next incident of violence.
Hide in an accessible place for you spare house keys, some money, useful numbers phones, documents (passport, documents on children, marriage certificate), necessary clothing and medications. These things have to lie so that you can immediately take them and go.
Decide which of the valuable items you take with you. If you urgently need money, you can sell or give as collateral.
Agree in advance with your friends and relatives about the possibility of escape from them in case of danger. Ask for help from neighbors if they heard screams and the sound of your apartment, let them call the police.
How to behave at the time of the incident?
Operate safety reasons you need to save lives and health. Sometimes it's better to flee, sometimes - to shout, sometimes - as little as possible to provoke. Aggressors react differently to the actions of the victim, so universal advice, how to behave, no.
If possible, turn on the tape recorder or a video recording on your phone and record acts of violence or threats. If the situation is critical, run away from home, even if you do not have time to take the necessary things, and if not - call the police.
It is likely that the call will not work: in the midst of conflict, you will not be up to it, and the call may further anger the aggressor. If you have the courage, you can defend themselves and fight back partner, but there are the nuances.
Darya TretyakovaAccording to the law to defend themselves in any way possible if there is an immediate threat to life. For example, if you are attacked with a knife, can be protectedArticle 37 of the Criminal Code. necessary defense. as you like, even if you kill the attacker. If there is no danger to life, you need to relate the consequences of an attack with their response. Answer a knife to slap in the face - the excess of such limits.
Unfortunately, these rules are very poorly in practice. An example of this - it is the sisters Khachaturian. Three girls accusedSisters Khachatryan presented the final charge of the murder of his father. father in targeted killings, which for years mocked his daughters and forced them to perform sexual acts. They face from eight to 20 years in prison. The main causes of these two situations:
- domestic violence most often occurs without witnesses and the victim on the floor, no one believes.
- The police and courts do not tend to deeply understand the situation. Often, they go the path of least resistance and condemn the victim for murder.
What to do after?
It is necessary to fix the beatings, to apply to the police and tell them about what had happened close. Do not gloss over the problem: your humility and patience will help. No matter how you tried to please a partner, incidents will be repeated: it is often the abuser is not necessary a special occasion to outrage or beat the victim.
Many are afraid to contact the police, because they want to keep the family together for the sake of the child. But the violence affects all, including children.
If a child sees his father mocks her mother, it becomes for him a serious shock. Children in such families may sufferWHO: Violence against women from mental disorders themselves be abused by parents.
The sequence of your actions after the incident may be different:
- When the danger has passed, but you are bad, there is a blood, dizzy - call an ambulance. Tell your doctor immediately circumstances of the incident, and do not hide the injuries. He shall stretch the information about the beatings and the assistance provided in the medical record.
- If there is no danger, but because of damage only scrapes and bruises - fix it in the emergency room and go to the police to file statement (Make a copy of the document and enter your data). Insist that you have given notice of the reception of your application.
- If the abuser is temporarily calmed down, but you are still in danger, try to quietly call the police (calls are written so that you will have proof of the fact of violence), write a loved one with a request to come or leave apartment.
Make copies of all documents and store them in an inaccessible place - in case the originals are "lost". Take pictures of your injuries and ask to attach photos to the case.
Darya TretyakovaIf the police refuse to accept the application, please call the hotline indicated on the information board in the office, and complain about the employee, at a reception at which you were. You can also submit a complaint to the prosecutor's office Police inaction.
How to get away from the abuser?
Women who were exposed to domestic violence, feel very depressed and helpless. After a long relationship the victims may develop Stockholm syndrome - a feeling of pity for the offender. It is important to understand that you are not alone, that everything can be changed - just need to gain strength and courage.
Before leaving the abuser, make sure it is safe. Do not tell your partner about their intentions and proceed carefully. As a rule, such news aggressor reacts inappropriately and you can tie, lock, put you new injury or even kill.
Seek support from people close to you, or crisis centers for victims of domestic violence. These institutions will provide psychological support, will help to make statements, to divorce, to get children's clothes and medicines. One of the largest aid centers - "Anna"And"sisters" in Moscow, "Catherine" In Ekaterinburg, "Fatima" in Kazan, "pussy-willow" in Novosibirsk.
Maybe it will turn out to change the partner, and keep the family together?
It all depends on how the aggressor perceives his behavior. If he does not admit guilt, he considers violence the norm and takes the arrows at you - such a relationship will not change for the better. The abuser will continue to apply to you the power and abuse, because it is a vital necessity for him. So it proves to be power over you.
Trying to keep the family can be, if the partner realizes that behaves incorrectly and want to change. In this case, he will need the help of the psychotherapist to learn to control their behavior.
Is it possible to understand in advance that a person is prone to violence?
Yes, worrying signs can be seen before your relationship is going too far. Wary if your partner:
- pathologically jealous and this justifies its control over you;
- prohibits to meet with friends and family;
- control with whom you communicate, and read your correspondence;
- asks or forces you to do something you do not like;
- He does not recognize his guilt and blame around you;
- abused children and animals;
- aggressive and rude to you, offends or humiliates you;
- rude sexual preferences and does not ask for your opinion on this subject;
- threatened with beatings or murder;
- promises to commit suicide, if you come away from it;
- prone to sudden mood swings and outbursts of irritability;
- He does not want you to work and looking for work ( "the wife should stay at home");
- criticizes everyday stuff (cooking, your manner of dress or painted);
- control your costs and makes the report on the money spent;
- inadequate response to your opinion, why are you afraid to express it.
It is believed that violence is more likely to exhibitWHO: Violence against women men who have experienced childhood abuse and had witnessed violence against their mother. Among other factors - the low level of education, alcohol abuse and tolerance of ill-treatment of human beings as such.
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