7 signs of emotional abuser
Relations / / December 19, 2019
What kind of beast - abyuzer
There are real professionals of violence. They mock and belittle others to compensate for their own internal shortcomings, live and communicate is their habit. Such people are called abyuzerami (from the English abuse - abuse, abuse of power).
We have already started talking about abyuzerah-husbands, but the concept is much broader: there are wives-abyuzery, abyuzery-parents, grandfather and grandmother-abyuzery (a prime example is described in the book "Bury Me Behind the Baseboard" Paul Sanaeva), chiefs and Abyuzery-colleagues.
That is abyuzerom can be male or female of different age and social status.
The problem in dealing with them is that abyuzery enough that forcing a person to do anything, so more and make him feel like the black sheep, and feel a sense of guilt. Abyuzera the victim receives a message: "You're a complete jerk, I hate you! And yes, I am angry, but it's your fault, that has brought me to such a state! "
How to recognize abyuzera
1. Abyuzer rude to animals and children
A sign that does not require special comment, because the rough treatment and harsh remarks ( "All children need to smack, but harder to know who's boss! "in the family," I would pousyplyal all these lousy mongrels and let the soap! ") show the human inner cravings violence.
2. Abyuzer ignores personal boundaries
In families it can manifest itself in the habit of entering without knocking into someone else's room, trying to take someone else's things without asking, prohibitions close the doors, which are accompanied by the phrases "Why are you the door you close? You have something to hide from me? ".
If this is unfamiliar people, he gets too close, touching your stuff and touches you, not being interested in your opinion on this matter. And if you start to fight back and show their displeasure, saying something like: "Oh, what we are gentle!" - as if accusing you that you dislike the invasion of another person.
3. Abyuzer denies the legitimacy of your own feelings, desires and requests
In the family, he will ignore your attempts to say that you are in pain, uncomfortable, scared that you do not want to do something or go somewhere. Your prayers and tears will not touch it. The maximum that you can hear - it is "Stop whining!", "Good my brain pass!", "Do you want me to get angry ?!".
If this is unfamiliar people, it will act in the same way as described in the preceding paragraph, blaming you in excessive sensitivity, or that you just do not know, but if understand, then just do not vote.
4. Abyuzer all the time criticized
From a loved one, you will regularly hear that you have a terrible figure, dressed always wrong ( "What is dressed up like a hooker ?!" "Well, in such clothes you look like a bum!"), Children educate wrong ( "Normal mother breastfeed a child under three years old!"), Does not behave as it should be ( "Why are you different! I, too, man, it is not surprising that Nina had gone from you! ").
If this is unfamiliar people, or about other people - colleagues, bosses, former partner, sexual and national minorities - it will respond very dismissive, accusing him of all sins and the condemnation of every misdemeanor.
You do not like the new friend says about the others? Alert: it can take quite a bit of time before it starts to apply the same to you.
5. Abyuzer controls and interrogates
In the family, he seeks to address all the major issues and be aware of, what, where, when and with whom you have been doing, holds the Budget and makes you ask permission for every occasion. It also includes chiefsWho practice total and hidden control (for example, a hidden video and audio), unannounced inspections.
If this is unfamiliar people, he will try to do everything possible to get the right as soon as possible to control you. It will be tempting to quickly move in, formalize relations, quit a job, to have a child, is not particularly interested in your plans to life.
6. Abyuzer isolates from other people
He strongly and openly jealous when you spend time with someone else, even with relatives. Makes you always make excuses for what you pay him enough attention, he likes to ask, "Why do you want this Nick? Is not something missing? ". He insults and criticizes all objectionable to him relativesAnd friends, prohibits communicate with certain people.
Unfamiliar people can easily say in general conversation that you razvystupalis, interrupt others, and speak complete nonsense, as well as broadcast the double standards ( "A woman should stay at home and serve her husband, and the husband?! Husband - he is the breadwinner, he has to communicate with friends and relax "," If a woman raises her voice - she hysteria, if a man - he is angry! ").
7. Abyuzer assures that loves like no other
It is this feature of them and forcing many to suffer emotional abuse, because abyuzery convince that all their degrading action, all the poisonous words, all suffocating control exclusively of feelings love.
They manipulate the most sacred concept - "love", believing that it is for them to be ready to forgive everything!
If we are talking about an unfamiliar man who yet can not claim self-love, he will bet on caring about you and your welfare.
Keep in mind that the criterion taken separately, are rare, can not point to abyuzera. But if a person often makes you go against his will, to experience the humiliation and guilt, with strongly convinced of his good intentions and ignoring your feelings, it abyuzer. He is a wolf in grandma's clothing, whose purpose - to devour you for your own satisfaction!
What if the next abyuzer
To begin to admit: you are not to blame, commit violence against you.
If this is unfamiliar person, run away and avoid contact. If this is not possible (for example, a colleague at work), do not approach him and try to isolate themselves emotionally from it.
If it's someone from the family, eg mother, father or spouse, it is the best advice for your mental health - to flee. However, to break the close relationship is very difficult. In this case, be sure to take care of relationships with family and friends who can support you, keep at least grain of their own independence, including financially, emotionally, and try to isolate themselves from it (this can help psychologist).
Take care of yourself! This is your main task in this world. No one else will, and even more so abyuzer, even if it proves the opposite.
see also🤔
- 6 types of toxic parents and how to behave with them
- How to recognize the energy vampire and defend against it
- How not to be emotional abuser: instruction to work on a