How we hear funny and sad stories about how adults uncles and tetenek lead to the mother's interview? As the graduates go to the reception committee for the handle with his grandmother? All of these problems grow out of childhood, where parents fuss over the children, do not sleep at night, tired from a huge number of cases.
Anna Bykov
Author of the book "Self-child, or how to become" lazy mom "," child and family psychologist, educator.
Anna Bykov is sure: we can do without sleepless nights, and without scandals and whims. To do this, you need to grow independent children, those that do not need the help of parents.
How to be a lazy parent
In fact, this approach laziness - it is cunning. True laziness here and does not smell. Children, who do not need constant monitoring, requires parents largest labor.
Anna BykovMom's "laziness" in the base should have care of the children, rather than indifference.
A child can become independent only because it is necessary. For example, if he kept to himself, and no time to take care of him. But this independence is losing in terms of development consciously nurtured when parents do everything that the child no longer need them as soon as possible.
Let us examine the basic principles of a lazy mother.
Never do for a child what he can
Do for the child what he can - is, in fact, not to interfere. For example, one and a half years old child can cope with a spoon, and three - to dress, clean in place toys, five - to warm up in the microwave breakfast, seven - to come back from school and on their own do homework. Why a child does not?
Yes, because he is not allowed by the parents, which is easier and faster to feed, clothe, collect, lead by the handle.
Children are actually smarter than it appears. And a hungry child will not give up on cereal, but the mouth will not fill up with the scandal. The case of parents - only to help: give porridge, read a story, tell what the weather is outside, and it is better to wear.
How do I know that a child can
Since all children are different, and the development of individual terms. Nowhere is published tables that specify the age at which a child can be given to the knife, and in which - to send to the store for bread.
When the hands are drawn to do something for the baby, ask yourself why the child can not do it myself? It is one thing - maybe not physically, because they do not develop motor skills, because I was tired, because it is ill. There need parental action.
Another thing - not because they do not want, need attention, capricious. In this case, you need to talk, to soothe, supporting, but do not do anything extra.
And finally, if the child just do not know how, it should be taught.
Teach your child, and do not make him
Teach the child need on a "show → → do together to make a prompt → to do it yourself." Moreover, the items "do together" or "to do with the hint" will have to be repeated far more than once.
Before the eight-month son became well slip from the high couch, I unfolded it in the right direction, perhaps five hundred times. In three years, it was enough to show ten times as running a mop, and a time to check that the child enthusiastically waxed floors. In five years, looking like dad works side cutters, slips child stage "do together" and use the product correctly.
Lazy parents are willing to spend hours and days to make the home safe and teach the child to play alone.
But then he would relish the opportunity to sleep on the weekends, because the child will not rush to mom and dad immediately after lifting.
Help solve the problem rather than solving for the child
When the front of the little man put big problem, it is logical to hear in response that he "can not." How can you cut a bowl of salad, when a mountain of vegetables here? Usually parents narezhut themselves, lazy go the other way.
They will help to break the task into smaller ones. For example, the first cut only cucumbers, and then - only tomatoes, and only then will the greens.
Let your child make mistakes
Child, learning a new business, make a lot of mistakes, even if the activity seems foolish adults. We'll have to find within yourself a button that will turn off the criticism. Of course, three-year baby with a mop not namoet floor, but perhaps that will soak it.
Lazy parents will not take a bucket of water. They praise the child, thank for your help. And while the child watches cartoon, quietly will wipe the puddle. Lazy will not scold the child for the wrong candidate in the store brand of tea or for an easy too, not for the weather, a jacket.
Because any mistake - it is an experience, and only experience can make a person independent.
Give your child choices
The child to be independent, it is necessary to choose. And to choose for real, no cheating. Ask your child to choose their own clothes in which he will go for a walk. Buy cereal for breakfast. Decide how to spend a weekend and what section to go after school.
We'll have to look closely to the child and to trust him, to be close and to substitute his shoulder.
This is more difficult than to do everything on their own. But with this approach, every day will be easier for parents.
Think over every "no"
The prohibition is necessary, because we care about the child's safety. But sometimes, for the word "can not" have to worry about their own convenience. Simply disable the child to take over watering than teach him to water.
Anna BykovThe child can tilt flower, ground scatter can pour the flower and the water will flow over the edge of the pot. But it was so, through the actions, the child learns to coordinate the movements, to understand the consequences and correct errors.
Therefore, the "no" may be just what is unsafe. For example, there are dirty hands or cross the road in the wrong place.
Anna Bykov"Why not?":, Stop, think, respond to your question when once again the rigid "no" is ready to come off the tongue
If you can not because you prefer, then happiness lazy parent you will not see for a long time.
Engage the child
For a child, any process - this is a game. As soon as he ceases to play, to get him to do something, you can only threats, punishment, intimidation and other vermin, which is better not to drag in family relationships.
Anna BykovIt is desirable that the experience of the child getting the independence in the wake of "Oh, how fun to try!"
When a child can do something, but does not want to be interested in it. I poured the water? Take a swab to scrub the deck of your ship as a true sailor. The same game quickly bored, so I have to stretch the imagination and offer different options.
We can not be perfect parents, but our goal - to make sure that the child no longer need us. This is probably sufficient.
Specific advice and examples of teaching experience have in the book. Read and lazy to good use.
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