How to deal with toxic people
Relations / / December 19, 2019
How do you know that a number of toxic people
You wake up in the morning and finally understand that stuck in troubled relationships. You hurt and confused.
Hurt you may have a parent, brother or a colleague, a friend, a spouse or lover. It is not important whether they manipulate you, intimidate or try to blame you for their problems. You do not know how to behave in this situation.
A few examples of such relationships:
- Your girlfriend constantly quips, and recently it became very cruel taunts.
- Your colleague is not only rejects all of your suggestions and ideas, but also actively belittles you in front of those who listen to you.
- Your spouse tells you cruel things, and the objections of the answers that you're too sensitive, or even refuses to talk about it.
- Parents underestimate your accomplishments, no matter what you did.
Not all are in such a relationship. At least, for a long time. Some just define the toxic people and know how to behave with them. Often this self-confident people, who tend to trust and do not allow yourself to hurt.
Contact situation for people with a low self-esteemWho prefer a dependent position. They do not know how to look like a healthy relationship, and more likely to be associated with the toxic person.
How to behave
1. Recognize the features that makes you easy prey
This does not mean that you have to take responsibility or blame yourself for what someone is bad to you goes. Calmly think about communicating with this person. Focus on why you feel something, rather than on what you feel. So you can see a pattern in which there is unpleasant for you to chat. For example, insecure daughter domineering mother may confuse someone else control your thirst with the strength and tenacity, and be influenced by someone toxic.
2. Think about your reaction
Assess your reaction to an unpleasant conversation. Offend You people can take a sluggish response to the behavior of the resolution and to continue to behave the same way. His reaction, you can boost or cut aimed at your aggression.
Work on control their emotions. Find a point between excessive and inadequate response, and prepare yourself for a template on how to deal with such relationships.
Operates on the principle "if - then".
Loses in mind the most likely conflicts and their behavior. For example: "If she tells me something rude, I'll ask her, why it offends me." It is very important to learn to stand up for their feelings.
3. Stop making excuses
One of the reasons that people remain in harming their relationships - lack of faith in themselves. If you justify the toxic behavior ( "He did not mean it, he did not want") or write him at ignorance, lack of understanding ( "She did not understand that rude"), it's time to stop and figure out why you're so reported. If you notice that behave in a similar way - stop.
4. Do not be afraid of irrecoverable losses
people avoid loss through thick and thin. They prefer to hold on to what they have now, even if it would be useless in the future.
Our habit of focusing on how much energy, emotion, time or money we have invested in something that keeps us on the spot.
Whatever these investments, you will not be able to return them. Years invested in dead-end job or relationship, the money spent on the broken car or on speculation, not to return. It's pointless. As relations with toxic people.
If you frequently ponder about how much invested and what to sacrifice for the sake of a toxic person, think about what your life will be in a year or five years, if you stop the relationship. If the link does not break, the next years will be just another victim, you brought by a person who does not appreciate.
5. Recognize the effect of alternating approval
By nature we are inclined to optimism and more passionate, if you do not always get what you want. It can feed our cravings for toxic people.
Borres Frederic Skinner (Burrhus Frederic Skinner), American psychologist and behaviorist, an experiment with three hungry rats in separate cages. In each of the lever may have been, which could push the animal and get a meal.
In the first cell after pressing the lever always appeared the food. The rat is understood and quietly go about their business. In the second cell of the lever never delivered food - the rat has learned the lesson and lost interest in him. In the third cell of the lever worked at random and began to obsession rats. She pressed him constantly. This is the variable approval.
This principle works in human relations. When the toxic person is doing something good, your heart hoots of joy, optimism reaches the ceiling, and you think the situation is corrected. It permanently locks you inside, like a rat in a cage with a lever.
6. Protect the border, or plan a retreat
If contact with a toxic person can not be avoided, install barriers and the type of behavior that you would like to see.
No need to be rude or incriminating, if someone violates your boundaries. It is important to be straightforward and resolute.
If it happens at work, do it all official and secure in paper form. counterpart Say, for example: "You can criticize me, but I'd rather you did not go to the person. My appearance is irrelevant to the work. "
When communicating with someone toxic, you can avoid - do it.
7. Learn to anticipate the retaliation
Toxic people like to control you. He was pleased to feel his strength. So do not expect that he just go away from your life.
When you start to fight back, he probably even more will try to manipulate you, to gossip, to get back at you power. This is especially true in a relationship with a narcissist, who need a victory at any price in the eyes of society.
8. Do not make abusive behavior norm
It is especially important not to turn the insults bounce back, if you lived a long time in unhealthy relationships or grew up in a family where you were humiliated. Toxic people explain their behavior so that their utterances against you - it's just a word. They deny their guilt, shifting it to others.
Refusal to answer a question or to ignore - is also offensive behavior, his silent variation. Any humiliation, including emotional or verbal - is bad.
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