The American journalist, author, presenter, producer, eight-time winner of the award "Emmy."
Step 1: survive the first 90 days
The first 90 days after the divorce can be called the most severe. You first time in many years, were alone with him, and serious thoughts about the causes of discord in the family. This state Tamsin Fedel compares with being lost. You are lost and do not know where to go, whom to contact and how to start enjoying life again. Author of "The One and happy" was for readers a detailed action plan for the first 90 days after the divorce.
1. Start with a reboot in your own home
Get rid of furniture that recalls the ex-husband. Throwing or arrange cremation ritual is absolutely unnecessary. Unnecessary things you can sell, and the money to buy it, what always dreamed of. That ridiculous ottoman or a luxury four-poster bed.
2. Organize home space
Get rid of the chaos and unnecessary things.
Use the rule of "every thing - his own place," "Similar to a similar" and "One thing in the house - one of the houses." Catching cleaning, place the timer (one hour, two or three) and is required to relax after signal. Do not be lazy to do before and after pictures - so you can see that even spot cleaning works effectively.
3. Take care of yourself
Make a new hairstyle or just to refresh hair cut, go for a manicure, get active. You can start with morning yoga - in millions Net video with simple exercises. Over time, you enter into the taste and, quite possibly, at some point find yourself in a gym with heavy weights.
4. Conduct an audit of the refrigerator
The trash all fat and unprofitable: mayonnaise, sauces glutamate sodium and low-quality chocolate. New life - a new menu. Your choice - vegetables, fruits, useful cereals, lean meat, and dark chocolate. Drink clean water and eat small portions when you feel hungry.
5. Plan activities for every day
In the first months after the divorce does not want to do anything, so force yourself. Sign up for a course, go to the library or at the exhibition. Experiencing bouts of boredom on a Saturday morning? Get up early and go for a walk. Change your habits and develop new ones.
Psychologists say that communication, social interaction - one of the key ways to move on after the break.
Insulation is gloomy feeling arises in our thoughts, words and actions that we later regret.
6. stop whining
Get hold of your emotions - someone who manages in the end? You - the love of your life. And you - the main prize. To reduce the stress level of use acceptance "thanks" bank. Put on the bedside table and a beautiful jar every night to put a note in which recorded the most positive thing of the day. At the end of the year, remove and read the note.
Step 2: Learn to communicate with ex-husband
Communication with the ex-husband - one of the most difficult moments in the life of every other divorced women. It's hard to resist the obsessive thoughts to talk with the former on the souls and yet know the causes of discord in the family. The head is constantly spinning unpleasant thoughts: "I was too cold or thick, or ugly, or inattentive, or non-sexual." Tamsin Fedel advises not to share with others thoughts on ex-husband (especially negative), as well as to follow a few simple rules.
1. Do not look for meetings
A good reason for personal communication - the fate of the children. Everything else decide through intermediaries, friends or lawyers.
2. Do not store things
All he needed, he had already collected. All the rest does not interest him now and certainly not interested in a year. Of things, it is desirable to get rid of.
3. Do not follow them on social networks
Remove it from friends and soul of the grass. Do this immediately after the divorce.
4. Do not draw a false image of ex-husband
It is human nature to remember only the good. Release the memory for at least some period of time. Later, when the wound tight, you pull out these pictures and letters, remember the lovely family evening.
5. Do not use the children as a shield
Or as a loophole to get information. Do not adjust the children against their father. Your emotions will settle, and the ratio of children to their father left.
6. Do not respond about the former bad
This is perhaps one of the most complex boards. The author honestly admits that he sinned like herself. She repeatedly caught myself thinking that gladly remembers ex-husband's a strong word. But do not do that, especially in the presence of potential partners.
Step 3: Learn to walk again on a date
After a divorce, many women embark pulls the winds to prove to themselves ( "and this scoundrel!"), That they have kept sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex.
How to start dating again after decades of men to the alternate bench? Tamsin Fedel advised to adhere to two rules.
1. Do not look for the perfect man
Look for one who respects you right now, the one who does not put off the feelings for later. Togo, for whom want to get up in the morning and in the evening to dive into his bed and cuddle up under a blanket.
2. Appreciate their principles
Do not forget - even for gorgeous men - that's important to you. Do not be fooled by thinking about your needs and desires. Get a. If you approach the man only under certain conditions: a different hair color, weight, habits and addictions - nothing good will come from this relationship.
Step 4: Learn how to build a new relationship
Often, after divorce women crave to occupy themselves with new relationships and are ready to literally dissolve in the new man. Author of the book "One and happy" honestly admits that she committed some of the above mistakes. Tamsin Fedel have the strength to pull himself together. Invaluable experience helped her to develop a few tips that will save women from disappointment.
1. Be self-sufficient
Do not humiliate. If he does not call, you're not interested. There are no other options.
2. Keep your distance
Do not make the man best friend, and even more so vest for tears.
3. Do not become a mom
If you care about the ex-husband, we brought him slippers and tea in bed, take the time to do the same with a new man. I caught myself like that? Get a dog and leave the man alone.
4. Humble with his habits
It is useless to try to break and change another person. You both developed personality, and if you bother him champing at the table, you should think before you arrive. Or take a man with his habits, even those that you enrageOr leave.
5. Look for a free man
This is really important, and there can be no options "almost divorced", "Tomorrow We serve documents", "living for the sake of the children." Otherwise, you risk falling into the trap and become a commonplace lover.
Bonus: How to arrange a personal life with kids
Children are not sentenced for privacy. The main thing - the right to organize free time and talking to a child. Do not forget: the child - a child, he used to consider himself as the center of the universe and is unlikely to want to move you to share with someone else. Tamsin Fedel gathered the most valuable advice about how to go on a date, if you have children.
1. Talk to your children about their feelings
Do not think that they are small and do not understand anything. Children are much more penetrating than it seems, and is easy to guess what you dress up for a reason.
2. Do not lie about his personal life
Over time, children will learn the truth, but the fact that you lied to them, will be remembered for a long time. And then you can ask them to be honest with you?
No matter how many years may be your children, eight or thirty-eight, they still need confirmation of your unconditional love. Show them in no uncertain terms that no one you they will not replace.
3. Never place yourself before selecting "children or private life"
Especially do not reproach the child for what he devoted his life, and he grew up and is going to live separately.
4. Ask for help
If you need the help of friends or relatives, do not hesitate to ask to sit with the kids or do some housework. There are the familiar mother divorced? Unite and help each other.
Tamsin Fedel book "One and happy" - a manual for those who are recovering from divorce. The author gives tips and advice based on their own experience and shares the secrets of style and care. If in your life came the hard times and you do not know how to pull yourself together after the divorce process, be sure to pay attention to the book Tamsin Fedel.
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