How to get rid of the need to please everyone
Relations / / December 19, 2019
Anxiety that arises from the idea that you did not like strangers, can greatly complicate the life. Psychologists tell us how to get rid of this destructive need.
Imagine yourself ink stains
Remember the famous Rorschach psychological test, during which the need to look at an image of the ink spots and describe what you see. And then try to imagine myself as a stain on the paper. What the other person sees, he says more about the it, than on the ink spot - that is about you. Qualities that will cause sympathy for one person, while others angry.
How others perceive you, it depends largely on how much in common with your qualities they see in themselves. According to researchersBeing Liked is More than Having a Good Personality: The Role of Matching, We like people who are similar in nature to us. During the experiment, it was particularly noticeable among people with undesirable characteristics. The more nervous or violent party was, the more likely it is positively evaluated people with the same characteristics.
Do not forget: you can only control their own behavior, but not the nature of the interlocutor or preferences.
Think about the unknown factors you
In addition to your personality, affects the perception of others still many factors. In all their cases, their problems, their mood. Someone, perhaps, hard day at work or a quarrel with family, or just huge to-do list. All these factors are unknown to you will affect the way the interlocutor will answer you, but they have nothing to do with you personally. Sometimes it is useful to remind ourselves of its insignificance.
Define your thinking errors
We are often victims cognitive biases. Attribute to the surrounding negative thoughts about themselves, accept all their words and reactions to your account, we present the worst case scenario. This happens unconsciously.
Try to understand how you are prone to distortions. What assumptions do you usually build on themselves and others? Which often take for granted? How fair reasoning? Pay attention to what thoughts do you have before, during and after a call. Be honest with yourself, wondering what could distort your perception.
Feature negative assessment from a neutral
Uncertainty causes us discomfort. When a person does not send any overtly friendly nor openly hostile signals difficult for us to determine his attitude. Therefore, a lot of completely neutral conversations we interpret as negative. In such situations, we have to rely on their view of the world.
If your view of the world includes the idea that people always reject you, you will constantly see it.
Seeing someone who just does his own thing, do you think that he is avoiding you. This is manifested hypersensitivity to neglect. It is more typical not to meet strangers, and to communicate with those with whom you have long been familiar, or just tie a relationship.
Remember that circumstances are against you
Imagine that you had to communicate with all 7 billion world population. How many percent of these people would find you a nice person? Clearly not 100%. This is a good reminder of what life you are bound to meet people who you do not like.
For example, you would have liked a mere 70% of the population. Then the remaining 30% would have disliked, and that about 2 billion people. And they can meet you anywhere.
Remind yourself that the circumstances are against you, someone you did not like anyway. We can only accept it and move on.